‘FAMILIES LEFT BEHIND’
‘Separation Anxiety’ Bedevils OFWs,
Kins Despite High-tech Communication
‘Separation Anxiety’ Bedevils OFWs,
Kins Despite High-tech Communication
By ALEX P. VIDAL
Despite the advent of communication technology like e-mail and cellular phone, many Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) and their families continue to suffer from “separation anxiety”. This results in abnormal behaviors manifested mostly by children of OFWs and sometimes the husbands and wives.
This was learned in a forum hosted by the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) regional office, Iloilo City with the theme “Families left behind” held in relation to the celebration of the National Filipino Family Week at the Iloilo Grand Hotel recently.
Ma. Corazon Tolention-Berjes, a psychologist from the Western Visayas Medical Center (WVMC), said separation anxiety “is still a big problem to deal with” among OFWs and their loved ones.
“That’s why, for children left behind by their OFW parents, there should be one permanent person that they see everyday to act as their surrogate parent,” suggested Berjes.
These children should choose the right surrogate parents that are consistent with their values because the problems that the children will encounter (in the absence of their biological parents) are complex and different, Dr. Daisy L. Chua-Daquilanea, faculty of the Iloilo Doctors College of Medicine pointed out.
According to Daquilanea, “separation among OFWs and their families are categorized into three aspects: a. those who feel the pain each time the parent (mother or father) goes to work abroad; b. those who consider the departure of their parent (mother or father) to work abroad a normal happening and don’t feel any pain; and c. those who harbor resentment to their parent (mother or father) or husband and wife vice versa every time a member of the family travels abroad to work.”
TYPES OF FAMILY
“Communication depends on what type of family (category),” said Daquilanea. “There are variations in terms of how you deal with communication.” Communication is important not only for husband and wife but also for the children.
When parents arrived, there is always period of adjustments; in most cases, children don’t feel at home with the arrival or newly arrived parent; thus, parents should understand the situation and not to react adversely,” stressed Daquilanea.
Dominican Sister Teresita Rosales, a doctor of psychology, said a husband and wife should have “very high self esteem, healthy support system, and good moral values” in order to withstand temptations especially if one of them went to other country to work for a long time.
Lory Pallada, whose wife works as nurse in Saudi Arabia, confessed that he has never visited any night club since his wife went abroad “because of my strong Christian values.” He attends to their two sons he described as “made in the Philippines but born in Saudi Arabia.”
Communications between him and his wife were difficult, he said, when there was no cellular phone yet in the early 90’s. “Sometimes, I had to write her a letter three times a week. That’s how difficult our communication was,” narrated Pallada, an employee of the Department of Agriculture in Iloilo. Nowadays, he said, every time one of their sons gets sick, he will just send a text message to his wife to ask for the right medicine.
WISH GRANTED
Mai-Mai, who worked as nanny in Hong Kong for 12 years starting when she was 19. She would have returned to Hong Kong in 2005 to work again had God did not grant her and her husband’s wish for her husband to be hired in a job abroad.
“I told myself then that if I would not go back to Hong Kong again, what would be the future of my family since my husband had not landed a job?” Mai-Mai asked.
When it was the turn of his husband to depart as OFW, she stayed behind to attend to their daughter who was only one year old and two months when she left to work abroad.
What motivated her to work abroad, she said, was “the challenge to rise above poverty” as she and her siblings lost their father when she was only seven years old.
Myrna, a mother of four, whose husband works in Korea, said it was she who prodded her husband to work abroad because of poverty.
“My husband had refused to leave but I told him we needed to give our children a good future, something we cannot ensure if he did not work abroad,” said Myrna who is a working mother.
While her husband is in Korea, Myrna said she never tells him that the money he is sending is not enough “because I don’t want him to worry. He is already working hard for us,” Myrna admitted. Her biggest worry is her husband’s jealousy. “There are many temptations (from other men) but I don’t succumb,” Myrna swore.
Jaypee, 19, eldest of the two children, said his father has been away since he was a child “and I am used already to his absence in the house.”
LAWS AND
TRADITIONS
Although he admitted to be closer to his seaman father, Jaypee confessed, he once felt disdain with “deep sadness” when his father missed his high school graduation. “And to think that I got all the medals,” he sobbed. Years later, Jaypee said his father cried in front of him when he confronted him for missing his graduation night.
According to DSWD Regional Director Teresita Rosales, Filipino families are governed by laws, customs and traditions. “Let’s protect what is being taught us by the church; raise the children and strengthen the family, the husband and wife. We need to preserve our families for our launching stage and for our retirement. The reason why parents leave the country to work abroad is purely economics.”
Rebecca P. Geamala, DSWD regional chief of technical assistance division, believed that “children in Western Visayas admitted they have regular communications with their parents working abroad. Letters, the traditional way, has been replaced by texting. On the downside, however, 58.6 percent or majority admitted they talked to their parents “sometimes”.
Academic indicators stated that more children of migrants are in private schools. Nine out of 10 said they were happy or very happy with school. Children of mother-absent families did not do as well as those whose fathers are working abroad or both parents are working abroad.
The same indicators said that many children of migrants are included in the honor roll and are more involved in extracurricular activities and fewer OFW children repeated a grade level.
Of the 1,264,563 families in Western Visayas, 528,072 are poor in a population of 6,211,036.
The region has 1.56 percent annual growth rate. /MP
This was learned in a forum hosted by the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) regional office, Iloilo City with the theme “Families left behind” held in relation to the celebration of the National Filipino Family Week at the Iloilo Grand Hotel recently.
Ma. Corazon Tolention-Berjes, a psychologist from the Western Visayas Medical Center (WVMC), said separation anxiety “is still a big problem to deal with” among OFWs and their loved ones.
“That’s why, for children left behind by their OFW parents, there should be one permanent person that they see everyday to act as their surrogate parent,” suggested Berjes.
These children should choose the right surrogate parents that are consistent with their values because the problems that the children will encounter (in the absence of their biological parents) are complex and different, Dr. Daisy L. Chua-Daquilanea, faculty of the Iloilo Doctors College of Medicine pointed out.
According to Daquilanea, “separation among OFWs and their families are categorized into three aspects: a. those who feel the pain each time the parent (mother or father) goes to work abroad; b. those who consider the departure of their parent (mother or father) to work abroad a normal happening and don’t feel any pain; and c. those who harbor resentment to their parent (mother or father) or husband and wife vice versa every time a member of the family travels abroad to work.”
TYPES OF FAMILY
“Communication depends on what type of family (category),” said Daquilanea. “There are variations in terms of how you deal with communication.” Communication is important not only for husband and wife but also for the children.
When parents arrived, there is always period of adjustments; in most cases, children don’t feel at home with the arrival or newly arrived parent; thus, parents should understand the situation and not to react adversely,” stressed Daquilanea.
Dominican Sister Teresita Rosales, a doctor of psychology, said a husband and wife should have “very high self esteem, healthy support system, and good moral values” in order to withstand temptations especially if one of them went to other country to work for a long time.
Lory Pallada, whose wife works as nurse in Saudi Arabia, confessed that he has never visited any night club since his wife went abroad “because of my strong Christian values.” He attends to their two sons he described as “made in the Philippines but born in Saudi Arabia.”
Communications between him and his wife were difficult, he said, when there was no cellular phone yet in the early 90’s. “Sometimes, I had to write her a letter three times a week. That’s how difficult our communication was,” narrated Pallada, an employee of the Department of Agriculture in Iloilo. Nowadays, he said, every time one of their sons gets sick, he will just send a text message to his wife to ask for the right medicine.
WISH GRANTED
Mai-Mai, who worked as nanny in Hong Kong for 12 years starting when she was 19. She would have returned to Hong Kong in 2005 to work again had God did not grant her and her husband’s wish for her husband to be hired in a job abroad.
“I told myself then that if I would not go back to Hong Kong again, what would be the future of my family since my husband had not landed a job?” Mai-Mai asked.
When it was the turn of his husband to depart as OFW, she stayed behind to attend to their daughter who was only one year old and two months when she left to work abroad.
What motivated her to work abroad, she said, was “the challenge to rise above poverty” as she and her siblings lost their father when she was only seven years old.
Myrna, a mother of four, whose husband works in Korea, said it was she who prodded her husband to work abroad because of poverty.
“My husband had refused to leave but I told him we needed to give our children a good future, something we cannot ensure if he did not work abroad,” said Myrna who is a working mother.
While her husband is in Korea, Myrna said she never tells him that the money he is sending is not enough “because I don’t want him to worry. He is already working hard for us,” Myrna admitted. Her biggest worry is her husband’s jealousy. “There are many temptations (from other men) but I don’t succumb,” Myrna swore.
Jaypee, 19, eldest of the two children, said his father has been away since he was a child “and I am used already to his absence in the house.”
LAWS AND
TRADITIONS
Although he admitted to be closer to his seaman father, Jaypee confessed, he once felt disdain with “deep sadness” when his father missed his high school graduation. “And to think that I got all the medals,” he sobbed. Years later, Jaypee said his father cried in front of him when he confronted him for missing his graduation night.
According to DSWD Regional Director Teresita Rosales, Filipino families are governed by laws, customs and traditions. “Let’s protect what is being taught us by the church; raise the children and strengthen the family, the husband and wife. We need to preserve our families for our launching stage and for our retirement. The reason why parents leave the country to work abroad is purely economics.”
Rebecca P. Geamala, DSWD regional chief of technical assistance division, believed that “children in Western Visayas admitted they have regular communications with their parents working abroad. Letters, the traditional way, has been replaced by texting. On the downside, however, 58.6 percent or majority admitted they talked to their parents “sometimes”.
Academic indicators stated that more children of migrants are in private schools. Nine out of 10 said they were happy or very happy with school. Children of mother-absent families did not do as well as those whose fathers are working abroad or both parents are working abroad.
The same indicators said that many children of migrants are included in the honor roll and are more involved in extracurricular activities and fewer OFW children repeated a grade level.
Of the 1,264,563 families in Western Visayas, 528,072 are poor in a population of 6,211,036.
The region has 1.56 percent annual growth rate. /MP
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