by Ronquillo C. Tolentino
The View From The Pew
(Last of two parts)
“Years ago, I had made analyses about the life of other priests who came to me for advice or direction. Books abound about the reasons why priests leave the priesthood. I used to be one among those who would analyze and suggest blames (no prayer life, no communion with fellow priests or openness with the bishop, burn-out or midlife crisis). I am aware of all these assumptions because I have also said the same lines many times. But now I realize that values change, new needs are felt and priorities become different. The idealism of the youth is gone and the practicality or the wisdom, of old age takes over. I have learned that it is not easy and it is definitely unfair to pass judgment.
“Truly, I have given the best years of my life for the church. I was faithfully celibate and have dedicated myself in unselfish service to God’s people. By leaving the priesthood, I know it would not be easy but I am excited with the challenges of a new life in the secular world. And I am not afraid because I will face them with love and in love.
“In closing, I take this line from a letter of a friend when she learned that I have retired from active ministry: “So onwards to the unchartered future. Are you excited? It’s a new beginning for you. I like beginnings. It’s what makes goodbyes tolerable. I wish you great blessings on this your new adventure. And that you’ll have a great ride.” She didn’t realize that the future she was referring to is this future outside of the ministry. But it is an exciting future. And with your understanding and acceptance, it will be a lovely future.
“After reading my story, I ask you to pause and to process your emotions.
“Now let me share with you the reaction of my bishop, Most Reverend Jose Romeo O. Lazo, DD. When I gave him my petition papers, he was packing his stuff in preparation for his transfer, having been appointed bishop of another diocese. I commented that it must be sad for him to leave. I suggested that he may read my papers during the night so that we can talk about my decision during my appointment the next day.
When we met in his office, he really looked sad and in fact, he admitted so. He said he reflected about my comment that night. He said that it is indeed sad for him to leave Kalibo but he must obey love. With an affectionate tone of voice, he said that he feels very sad about my leaving the priesthood, but “I must obey love”. Then he assured me that he prayed for me in front of the Blessed Sacrament. He did not lecture, he did not analyze, he did not judge, he did not condemn.
I felt his personal assurance and the love of God and Father whom he represents. Whatever the judgment of others does not concern me also. I am answerable only to God. My bishop has given me his blessings and I am at peace. I am confident that God who is my Father and who is Love does not condemn me, either. I thank this gentle bishop. Forever I will be grateful to him. On the last days of his ministry in the diocese, within a few days in the same week, he assisted in the Thanksgiving Mass of a new priest. He presided at the funeral liturgy of a middle-age priest, and he blessed the return of a senior priest to the lay state. (I also attended both celebrations. The new priest was my student in Philosophy when I was rector in the seminary. The middle-age priest was my student in the Formation Year Program when he was in Theology. I was the senior priest, who was their mentor). The bishop went through different emotions - joy, grief and pain – but for him, everything was love. Whether I am a priest or a layman, my vocation is the same – to obey love.
“I end paraphrasing what someone has said: People say we stop falling in love as we get older. Rather, we start getting older as soon as we stop falling in love. Thomas Merton said: “Do not think of what you are, still less of what you may one day be. Rather be what you are…be the unthinkable one you do not know”.
“I love you all very dearly.
“Until the dispensation comes … it’s me … Fr Alex. But get accustomed to call me Alex. It’s a noble name my parents gave me when I was born. By this name in baptism I became a child of God. The title Father or Monsignor is given by the church.
“Subject: Alelluia DISPENSATION GRANTED Alelluia
“I announce to you a news of great joy. The Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI, has granted my petition for dispensation from “all obligations arising from Sacred Orders, including that of celibacy”.
“The rescript, latin word “rescriptum” meaning “reply” from the Holy Father, through the office of the Congregation of the Clergy, was officially and formally communicated to me, and executed by the Office of Canonical Services of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles which processed my petition, this Oct 29. The rescript itself was dated October 22, nine months from the date my petition was submitted.
“I thank you for praying with me during this journey in faith. I now begin a new path to holiness together with you all and with the woman I love.
“May the good Lord bless you abundantly for your love and support. For those who have been hoping against hope for my return to active ministry, I guess you just have to accept the theological truth that the Holy Father clearly expresses the will of the Lord. For your consolation, please know a truth from our basic catechism (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1121) that in heaven I will still be a priest, even as you should also know a scriptural truth (Mark 12: 23) that however happily married you are here on earth, in heaven you will not anymore live as husband and wife.
“Needless to say, I am most happy with this confirmation by the Holy Father that the Lord blesses my decision to marry the woman I love and who loves me. I ask for your prayers and blessings.
“Don’t say Congratulations, the greeting for an achieve-ment coming from personal effort. Shout rather ALELLUIA PRAISE THE LORD because the dispensation is truly a gift from the loving God who confirms my decision, through the Pope, to obey love.
“On March 26, 2011, Espy and I were married at St. Bartholomew Catholic Church in Belmont Shore, Long Beach. We had a lovely wedding reception at Summit House in Fullerton. Please join us, even virtually, in both celebrations by visiting our website - www.espyandalex.com.
“Your dear brother in the noble state of the laity who loves you very dearly, ALEX /MP
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