THE GOOD LIFE

Languages of Love

by MEGS S. LUNN

“A match made in heaven”, “an answered prayer”, “we meant for each other”, “love unc-onditionally”, and many more sweet nothings when two people fall in love.

“Always use your heart loving someone and your brain to help determine the next step in a relationship. You must recognize intellectually what is called “Red Flag” in a relationship. “Red Flag” is truly negative or hurtful action and words by either partner.

“Red Flag” must be identified and seriously dealt with in your mind to see if you should exit the relationship at a time. “Red Flag” exposes incompatibilities between two people who are more likely to worsen in time than get better.

Properly dealing with significant negatives early in a relationship is very, very hard because of what is called “The Tingles.” “The Tingles” are that amazingly wonderful, uplifting, emotional high we get when we first enter in a relationship often based on superficial feelings such as good looks, wittiness, fun to be with, great to talk to on many subjects, and whatever magnetism that makes two people drawn to one another.

This is the “love is blind” stage of a relationship in which the other’s faults or weaknesses are ignored or downplayed. You cannot spend enough time together laughing, teasing, talking lightly or seriously, touching, holding hands, and hugging. During that time our brain turns to the consistency and usefulness of mud. Your new partner is perfect for you! You believe this wonderful emotional experience will last forever! Unfortunately or fortunately, “The Tingles” only last a few months to a year with most couples allowing their relationship then to progress more realistically, with their hearts taking the lead and their brain re-engage to ensure a level of honesty as the love between the two grows.

“When love is truly felt by two people, nothing can separate them.” But it is incomplete just to love your partner, it is equally important your partner feels you love him as much as you do.

There are five commonly known “love languages” which are: 1) Acts of Service. 2) Gifts. 3) Words of Praise. 4) Physical Touch, and 5) Quality Time. Most of us have one or two of these “love languages” that innately allow us to feel the love our partner expresses. Most of us wish our partner needs to “speak” all five languages to feel one’s love.

ACTS OF SERVICE - a woman may be constantly cleaning her house, washing clothes and preparing quality meals as expressions of her love for her partner. If this is her “love language”, he will feel her love and be amazed at how hard she works to show her love for him.

GIFTS - a man may frequently give his partner flowers, candy and special items as his sincere expression of his love for her. If it is her “language”, she feels the love he is expressing through the gifts.

WORDS OF PRAISE - a man may say from the bottom of his heart: “I love you” or “you’re beautiful” or”what a wonderful meal” or “that job you did was great”. If this is her “love language”, she will feel deeply loved.

PHYSICAL TOUCH - a man may want to show his love by holding his partner’s hand regularly, putting his arm around her frequently, hugging and kissing her whenever he is near her or—in a committed marriage—have sexual contact with her. If this is her language, she feels the love he is expressing.

QUALITY TIME - a woman loves her partner so much she sets aside time regularly to be with him and ask him how his day was, or what does he feel about this or that concern, or what would he like to do. If this is his language, he looks so forward to their time together to feel her love expressed in her deeply felt concerns for him.

“When love is truly felt by two people, nothing can separate them.” …love like you never been hurt,” and “to be hurt is part of the package of being in love.” Feeling hurt is the absence of feeling loved. Even in good relationship, each person has both good and bad days. Stressful time maybe caused by problems in a relationship or caused by things outside their relationship. This negative period causes seemingly to love our loved ones less by doing inappropriate acts or saying words that hurt feelings to the other partner. But the strong, true love that is the basis of a good relationship will resurface again—especially if the “right” “love language” is utilized. The hurt you have now won’t make your future love for another man less strong.

Be it in a career, love life or family, the key to having a happy life is finding a balance. There could be a chance for unconditional love - selfless and pure. Happy Valentines to all our readers! /MP