Reason and Concern

by Ronquillo C. Tolentino

The View From The Pew

(First of two parts)

The article titled “The View From the Pew” is a story of former Monsignor Alex Acevedo Meñez’s love journey from the time that he had fallen in love. He filed a petition for dispensation from celibacy. He waited patiently for time until Pope Benedict XVI granted his petition from “all obligations arising from Sacred Orders, including that of celibacy”.

In his January 10, 2012 email, Alex sent me his story. He stated it’s not confidential and I can pass it on to others.

“Many have read it and say it’s a lovely story”, according to Alex.

This article fits as Valentine’s Day approaches.

“I have a story to tell and I would like you to hear it directly and personally from me. I wish to inform you that I have decided to file my Petition for Dispensation from celibacy. This is the technical formulation for the canonical process, which in ordinary terminology means I am leaving the catholic priesthood.

“This is the story of my journey.

“In July 2009, I asked my Bishop Jose Romeo Lazo, DD, and was granted, to formally and officially retire. It was the first step in my plan to eventually file my petition for dispensation from the law of celibacy, the law which forbids catholic priests to marry.

“In January 2010, my dossier with my Petition to the Holy Father asking for dispensation was formally submitted to Rome. I filed my petition in Los Angeles Archdiocese, California.

Why do I have to leave the priesthood?

“The plain, but not so simple, reason is I have fallen in love.

“Now, you either say “what’s wrong with that?!” or you say “OMG!!!”. You see “it’s complicated”. So let me explain.

“I was a priest almost 40 years. I was a good priest – in my conscience and in the overwhelming opinion of others, lay and some fellow priests. For those who know me, this statement is sufficient. But for many others who do not know me, may I say something more about myself. People say they come to me because they find peace and mercy. They like my masses because I say them with devotion. My homilies are catechetical as they are engaging. Like a double-edged sword, my homilies penetrate the heart and, at the same moment, are like sweet balm which soothes the weary souls. I have walked mountains and crossed rivers to visit far-flung barrios. I have organized a scholarship program which sent hundreds of poor children to school and some are now in college.

“I have held key positions (Vicar General, Pastor of the cathedral parish and of a rural parish, Seminary Rector, Consultor, Formation Director of the regional seminary). I did my post graduate studies in Rome and I have a doctorate degree in canon law. I have served the ministry with dedication and honor (with the title Monsignor given by Pope John Paul II in 1998). I did not take advantage in any way to secure my financial stability.

My bishop, the Most Reverend Jose Romeo Lazo, in recognizing the services I rendered for the diocese said in his letter: “these tasks were enormous but with your competence and leadership, you were able to make things happen as demanded by the offices entrusted to you”. Yes, I have served the diocese well. In all modesty, I have been really a good priest and people say so. I was truly happy as a priest and I loved being a priest.

“So you ask - why change path? Well, again, the reason is simple – I have fallen in love. But as you know, the discipline of the Catholic Church neither permit a married clergy nor am I personally comfortable being a married priest. I realize that at this time in my life and having fallen or being in love, I cannot be celibate for long. Well, yes, I may be celibate (because I keep the law not to marry) but I cannot be chaste – honestly unless you tolerate me to live a double life. But my love for her does not justify such hypocrisy. It goes against my conscience and her conscience, which is even more delicate than mine. My upbringing in decency and respectability does not allow it. Of course, it is not respectful of the woman I love and absolutely she will not have any part in that kind of arrangement.

“I think it would be easier if I explain it to you the way I would explain it to kids, given the chance

“Funny and perhaps surprising, if not strange, that at 62 years old – quite old, don’t you think – I have fallen in love? But I cannot marry the girl I love because I am a priest. And the law of the Church (Canon Law) does not permit priests to be married. But as you know, every law has an exception. In canon law, the exception is called a Dispensation. And this is what I am doing now.

I am writing a letter to Pope Benedict XVI, our Holy Father, to give me the dispensation so that I can be married. Wow – isn’t that great and fearsome, at the same time, to be writing to the pope! I am just praying that the pope, busy as he is, will have the time to read my petition and grant me the dispensation so that I can marry the girl I love and who loves me, too. But, of course, we both will not marry without the dispensation. You know that I have always been a good priest. I obeyed the rules, as I am obeying them now by asking for dispensation.

“As I have explained, and you know very well, the church does not allow married priests. And personally, I am not comfortable being a priest and married. So when I get married, I will not anymore say mass. And it makes sense because how will it appear when the child of the priest will run to him at the altar and ask for lunch money?

Anyway, when I will be married, I will be a lay person like everyone else who is not a priest. But you know that “the view from the pew” is also spectacular. And like you, I can Be Happy, Be Healthy and Be Holy as a lay person. In other words, I can still love God and God still loves me, like He loves you. Please pray with me that the Holy Father will grant me the Dispensation sooner than the usual time.

“Now, let us go back to adult talk. I am aware that to leave the priesthood is not easy. It means leaving a lifestyle I am familiar with, a function that I know so well, and losing the esteem of some people. I am concerned that I would be considered a failure. Some may say that I am displeasing God. Am I really? Celibacy is a law of the church and I abide by the law of the church by going through the process of dispensation. And we both want to remain loyal to the Catholic Church and our concern is to live our marriage in the grace of the Lord and with the blessing of the Church.

“In July 2008, I went back to the Philippines to consider my decision. I stayed in a house of prayer for priests in Tagaytay, where the climate is cool and the environment is quiet. For one year, I prayed over my decision and consulted with a wise and saintly priest. And I have decided. I have made a choice. I know that it is not whimsical or emotional. It is a decision which I believe is a fruit of intimate prayer, sincere reflection and intelligent consultation. I know that I will be happy with this new choice and in this relationship.

“Right now I am at peace and in love and secure in the knowledge that someone loves me very dearly. The only thing that hinders the fulfillment of this beautiful relationship is the law of celibacy. I am not against celibacy. Even if or when I will be granted the dispensation, I will still favor celibacy (so that priests will continue to struggle – I say this with humor). It has kept me a good priest and it has helped me have a healthy rapport with women, who otherwise were desirable. I do not advocate that the church should abolish it, even if in the future, I do not know what the church will do. Remember, celibacy is a law of the church. Most of the apostles were married and for many centuries catholic priests were not forbidden to marry. What the church will do in the future regarding celibacy is a contested guess. All I know is that I do not love Christ less by falling in love. Jesus knows how much I love Him still. Can I not love Jesus as a lay person? Can I not love Him and be married? And will Jesus love me less now that I am not a priest? After all, I have already served His church for 40 years as a priest. (to be continued next issue/MP